School pic at Westminster sees Alex back in the ranks of the also-ran

The increasingly frustrated former First Minister of Scotland, Alex Salmond, found himself relegated to the third row back in the school pic outside Westminster.

So anxious was Mr Salmond to be noticed that he was jumping up and down and waving at the camera.

A revealing little moment came as the posse was assembling for the shot.

Scotland’s First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, not an MP, was there to stamp her personal authority on the gig as party Leader, knowing that if she did not, her predecessor would certainly bounce to the front and assert his own centrality.

With the MPs pretty well in position and anxious not to be late into clear command on the bridge deck, Ms Sturgeon, deployed a neat two-handed approach, physically manhandled out of the way a female member of the 56 on the downstage right of the front row with a very fleeting smile of pacification – and marched for glory.

Margaret Thatcher could not have done it with more ruthless resolve.

Having made it known this morning that the former leader of the 6 SNP MPs at Westminster, Moray’s Angus Robertson, is to keep his role and scale it up to leading the 56 – 50 of them rookies, Ms Sturgeon made sure to have Angus Robertspn down there, centre front, with her and her deputy party leader,  the increasingly scary machine-man, Stewart Hosie.

Alex Salmond clearly needs and deserves a role to keep him busy and give him status right across the expanded group of SNP MPs – without the sort of policy position that would put him into conflict with his necessarily watchful and self-protective successor.

Make Mr Salmond Chief Whip.

As today’s third largest party at Westminster, the SNP are about to take over the historic Whips’ offices that the Liberals have had for almost a century. The grandeur and the frissons of historic change in the rooms would all appeal to Mr Salmond.

The Chief Whip has to deal with every MP and deliver the sort of votes from the group that Mr Robertson, with his ventriloquist, Ms Sturgeon, will require –  so Mr Salmond would be central, not peripheral, to the entire party operation at Westminster.

And, as Chief Whip, with his own long years 0f service at Westminster, now to be augmented, Mr Salmond would bring to the job far greater knowledge and understanding of the protocols and procedures at Westminster than do any of the six recent ‘veterans’ who will now have to do the sheepdogging of the newbie masses.

And all good Chief Whips have to be bullies.

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Related Articles & Comments

  • She could try and get him nominated as Deputy Speaker which would have the possibility of upgrade to Speaker if Bercow has to resign. He would revel in the chance to ponce around in fancy dress and the travel around the world on expenses. It could suit Labour not to lose an MP to be Deputy Speaker – Bercow is an ex-Conservative though he has always seemed to be much closer to Labour.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 11

    Lundavra May 12, 2015 12:27 am Reply
  • “Increasingly frustrated”?

    “Anxious to be noticed”?

    ‘O, wad some Power the giftie gie us – tae see oursels as ithers see us Newsie?

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 14 Thumb down 10

    Crackle May 12, 2015 12:42 am Reply

    What is the Argyll news here!

    Total pap on your behalf again. Hell hath no fury………. How dare Mr Salmond take the hassle of standing for election and win! Again!

    Tawdry stuff NEWSIE.

    What is rattling inside your head and soul. Pure bile?

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 14

    No Cheese Here May 12, 2015 7:58 am Reply
    • The news for Argyll is that we no longer have someone at Westminster who will represent us – rather someone who will follow SNP party lines along with a bunch of other new MPs who won’t have a clue what they’re doing and unable to stand against Tory policies.

      Scotland voted SNP and got a Tory government.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 18 Thumb down 11

      Lowry May 12, 2015 8:03 am Reply
      • Lowry

        We do have a MP to represent Argyll.
        Who is “us”?

        Lowry you wish someone to represent Home Counties South!

        Too bad–

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 9

        No Cheese Here May 12, 2015 10:17 am Reply
      • Lowry

        Scotland voted NO

        That is why we got a Conservative government.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 3

        Keitho May 12, 2015 12:52 pm Reply
  • I see Willie is using a new alias.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 10

    richard May 12, 2015 8:15 am Reply
  • Don’t worry AS will be working away behind her back, she can’t be in Westminster to keep him in line and she knows that, looks like the travel expenses are going to rocket and Holyrood neglected.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 10

    richard May 12, 2015 10:52 am Reply
  • Apparently the newly vetted aircrew of ‘Scot Force One’ (Scotland answer to the American ‘Air Force One’) was subjected to much hilarity as the 56 MSP’s boarded the flight to London Heathrow (LHR). A large number of the MP’s were seen brandishing brand new British Passport,demanding duty free’s and squabbling for the Club Class seats.

    The ‘safety brief’ was given in both English and Gaelic and,so as to not cause any offence, ALL on-board ‘Safety literature’ was also in English and Gaelic.

    Upon disembarking at Heathrow several of the newly elected individuals were under the impression that the baggage-handlers unloading the aircraft, were there to act as ‘porters’ between LHR and Westminster.

    It is also rumoured that house prices close to Westminster have rocketed in value as a direct result of 56 potential buyers of second homes.

    Each of the MP’s will be permitted to purchase an abacus to assist them in calculating the correct amounts in expenses. It is further rumoured that a well known ‘betting firm’s is to consider the taking of bets as to the name of the first MP implicated in any expenses fiddling (known amongst MP’s as ‘minor indiscretion’).

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 4

    Aral May 12, 2015 7:28 pm Reply
    • This is an interesting development indeed! You could now ask Mini-hack to print your P^sh and display as a bona fida article!

      Just a heads up here,you are no comedy scriptwriter!!

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 2

      Snap May 17, 2015 11:32 am Reply
  • Aral, I wonder how long it took to find the members Bars.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 7

    richard May 12, 2015 9:31 pm Reply
    • Maybe Joyce was there in the capacity of M.C?

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

      Snap May 17, 2015 11:28 am Reply
  • Richard. It’s possible that Sir Alexander Salmond (to be) had scribbled a plan of Westminsters ‘ Den’s of Entertainment’ last Thursday evening and distributed same to all 56 first thing Friday morning.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 5

    Aral May 12, 2015 9:41 pm Reply
    • Aral

      Surely something has to be funny or ironic for a smile to cross our lips. Not funny nor ironic but seems to keep tricky dicky amused.
      Maybe Henderson is guffawing!!

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 4

      No Cheese Here May 12, 2015 11:00 pm Reply
  • No Cheese Here. Thankfully we are all individuals and tuned to different types of humour. Some folk suffer terribly from having undergone a charisma bypass. Thankfully, I find humour in everyday life without malice as in this day and age, one must find humour wherever one can.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

    Aral May 12, 2015 11:13 pm Reply
  • The increasingly frustrated former First Minister of Scotland, Alex Salmond, found himself relegated to the third row back in the school pic outside Westminster.

    What an opening line to this article

    It could have said or should have said

    Alex Salmond a picture of happiness joins 55 of his fellow newly elected MP’s
    No wonder he cannot stop smiling.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 4

    Keitho May 16, 2015 10:55 pm Reply
  • Why doesn’t Mini- hack fabricate a story(which is standard procedure anyway),and tell the readers that the SNP are going to withdraw central fiscal support which allows council tax to be frozen.By a rough calculation that would represent a 86% rise in local authority council tax.
    I wonder how many union loving,SNP hating folk on here would support this radical move!!
    The Mini- hack could also fabricate that the universal free prescriptions are to be abolished and the cost will now be £8.67 per item! Added to that,all bridges in Scotland will have tolls and the cost will be £2.10 per crossing!
    I’m sure Mini-hack could spin a great last paragraph stating the SNP will deploy a straight annual tax of £4500 on holiday homes,on top of the normal council tax!!

    Once the Tories austerity cuts take hold,how many of these fabricated items above,will come to fruition?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 5

    Snap May 17, 2015 10:00 am Reply
  • Keep wondering when these journalistic fairy stories will have the opening line “Once upon a time”?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 4

    jockstrap May 17, 2015 10:36 am Reply

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