The BBC Scotland website has revealed that earlier this month, April, Alex Salmond MSP stepped out of line yet again in grabbing pole position in the battle for supremacy of First Ministers.
The former First Minister has been caught on video, boasting to a fundraising gathering of the party faithful, that: ‘The Scottish Labour leader will not be writing the Labour Party budget. But then I knew that already – because I’m writing the Labour Party Budget.’
Prime Minister, David Cameron, has understandably had fun in tweeting this latest in a line of serially indefensible and self-centred usurpations by Mr Salmond.
Mr Salmond has tried to talk his way out of another painful visit to the Headteacher’s study, with the tawse to hand. [Will Ms Sturgeon wear for the chastisement the black leather of the dominatrix portrait, with whip, she has revealed her husband presented to her as a wedding present?]
The Salmond excuse, worthy of Dame Edna on a bad night, was: ‘The point made in a light-hearted way was that Scottish Labour leader Jim Murphy had been slapped down by his party bosses at Westminster and told that he would have no role in a Labour Budget.’
Logic is not on Mr Salmond’s side in this attempt. Had he been making this joke solely at the expense of the Scottish Labour Leader with no trace of self-aggrandisement, he would have said: ‘I knew about that already. Nicola‘s writing the Labour Party budget’; or even ‘We’re writing the Labour budget’. But no. It was the old familiar ‘I‘.
A whipcrack slapdown from a far more fearsome practitioner of the art is certainly coming Mr Salmond’s way. Ms Sturgeon has visibly been losing patience of late with the scene-stealer par excellence.
Mr Salmond’s has Ryder Cup ability to rock his own once-upon-a-time pomp at the fill of a glass of the pink stuff. He has repeatedly failed to deploy loyal discipline in favour of his stellar successor.
This constant insecurity has left Ms Sturgeon, the current First Minster, with no choice but to inform the media that she will be in London on the morning of 8th May, to lead the negotiations with Labour in the possible event of a hung parliament.
An option to be explored on 7th May by evilly mischievous tactical voters in the Gordon constituency where Il Magnifico is standing for Westminster would be not to oppose him but to vote en masse to send him south.
No other instrument is anything like so unguided a weapon of mass destruction, so certain to cause distraction, disarray and implosion in the party. Let loose amongst the established egos of the SNP’s old hands competing for glory at Westminster, with a massive horde of rookie SNP MPs six times their number and the lobby journalists hanging on his every word, that song of twilight will fade and the chuckle-and-nod routine will be back on the box on a daily basis..
We will see First Minister Sturgeon, beached up north in boring old second rate Holyrood, having to be permanently in the air between Edinburgh and London, with a fire extinguisher in one hand and that well-used tawse in the other.
Mr Salmond’s election in Gordon does have considerable attraction for the anarchists – as well as the sado-masochists – amongst us.