A topical wimp-out, courtesy of the irrepressible creative duo, Brian Cairnduff and Phil Burns, of Helensburgh-based AnElephantCant.
AnElephantCant do Winter Olympics
(that’s a poor way to finish a line)
He’s too dumb for verbal linguistics
He’s just relieved to discover a rhyme
He’s not a natural for doing a ski jump
The ramps would need special support
He’d leave behind scarcely a tree stump
If he tried that Nordic cross-country ski sport
He hasn’t the aerodynamics for downhill
On a bobsleigh he’s more dangerous than bold
Figure skating needs someone more graceful
But at curling he is going for gold
You may remember we explained to you earlier
How his proboscis manoeuvres the stone
This means his shots are just that bit curlier
And his hammer is always spot on
The Canadians may think they have chances
The Norwegians expect to win lots
AnElephantCant tell but he fancies
The medals will come home with the Scots
The illustration is by artist Phil Burns and the words by writer Brian Cairnduff, together the creative engine of AnElephantCant and Waje.
Who says an elephant cant
on the ice he’s quite a mover
his triple lutz is so elegant
he’s favourite for gold in Vancouver
From the toboggan he was banned
because he was too huge
so he took a baby grand
and used it as a luge
at ice hockey he came recommended
as a goalie he brought good luck
with his massive trunk extended
to catch a flying puck
he prefers the summer games
his best shot is the discus
he impresses all the dames
with his formidable proboscis
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Surely more competition than less talented?
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AnElephantCant master football
It was never in God’s master plan
No AnElephantCant master football
But I understand a PeléCan
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Skating aint much fun
If you weigh two ton
And camels with their hump
Cant try the ski-jump.
Amphibians like frogs and
toads hate the toboggan
And beasts as big as hippo
Cant stand a bit of snow.
So elephants are not unique.
That they are not competing
So they will have to stay at home
And win the prize for eating
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Though dreams of winning gold in Vancouver
AnElephantCant dance on ice
For he do’s find it difficult to manoeuvre
On his bum he has fallen more than twice
Undeterred by this slight disadvantage
Taking time to consider his his fate
He started to dance with a new elegance
On his trunk he had fashioned a skate
(an elephant can wear sequins) cheer’s for the fun J:D
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