There really is a parallel universe. Our wonderstruck, autograph-hunting, Foreign secretary  (note deliberate use of lower case letter) used a novel argument to advance the cause of Tony Blair’s unacknowledged but desperate campaign to be appointed first President of the European Union.

Yesterday Miliband said that the size of the Blair motorcade would stop the traffic in Beijing or Washington or Moscow. We noticed that, today, the spin doctors have got the newspapers to remove the bit about the motorcade, leaving only the image of the permatanned, grinning Blair shimmying  a high-kicking show-stopper in front of St Basil’s or the Forbidden City or Capitol Hill.

But wasn’t the motorcade remark indicative of the value-set that governs these kids? It ignores the key fact that you could put a zombie in a motorcade and the traffic will still have to give way. In fact, if Blair is given the job he has so persistently angled to get, there will be a zombie in that motorcade.

There are two definitions of zombie. Both apply. Take your pick.

• The traditional ‘zombie’ is a reanimated corpse or a mindless human being. Just look at the press photographs.  QED. The notion of this sort of zombie comes from Afro-Caribbean Voodoo mythology, telling of robotic operatives under the control of a powerful shaman. His name was George W Bush and the spell he cast was money.
• Then there are computers known as ‘zombies’. These are defined as online machines taken over and refocused by – in computer speak – a hacker, a virus or a trojan horse. Machines compromised in this way are remotely controlled to carry out malicious tasks of various kinds – like taking protesting countries into wars on false premises. Most owners of zombie computers are unaware that their electronic servant is being used in this way. So that’s why we voted the zombie in one last time in 2005? We still hadn’t got it.

Question is – has Europe got it?

If you would prefer not to see our own  Bushman zombie flaunt itself richly in the name of Europe, sign The Independent’s online petition against Blair’s potential appointment. (And if you think ‘zombie’ is too harsh a term, simply clock the photograph in this article in The Independent.)

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